Bordeaux Mission
But then I wondered what it was I was planning to do with her this afternoon if it wasn't sex, and why I was planning to get back together with her at all. Did I really think I was going to just date her? Could I imagine that there was any chance at all that we could just court sweetly and then get married in the temple?
On the other hand, she understood how I felt and didn't try to pressure me to do something I might regret. It was clear that she had a good heart. She might be persuaded to accept the gospel. Maybe it had just never been presented to her in the right way.
Then I thought I must be off my rocker. The reason she had understood was from seducing good Mormon boys. How could I imagine that she might someday make a faithful mother in Zion?
On the other hand, plenty of people had had a pretty wild youth and then settled down and later gone on to be faithful adults. She and I could have a courtship that would perhaps be a bit questionable by LDS standards, then have a civil marriage and then be sealed in the temple a year later.
I knew I was never supposed to set a goal to be married outside the temple. Yet, what if we really had met in the pre-existence? What if she was foreordained to be my wife? And what if making love to her was the only way I could convince her to be with me? In that case I couldn't just judge her a sinner and deny her my best efforts to bring her with me to the Celestial Kingdom.
Even so, it seemed like maybe it wasn't the right time to be planning all this. I felt like I needed to take a walk to clear my head. I had an incredible urge to go to the Pont de Pierre and see the river, la Garonne, one more time. I knew it was a bit of a risk since it was always crowded there, but I figured I'd try to just keep my head down and hope I wouldn't be seen.
<- previous page
|
