1. The last P-day of my mission
2. Not some dorkaziod missionaries
3. Even if the church is perfect, the people aren't
4. It's not that simple

• (character chart)

1. Young Women's
2. Youth Conference
3. Saturday's Warrior
4. Brigham Young University
• Gratuitous Love Scene
5. Polygamist
6. Temple Wedding
7. Orem High
8. Bordeaux Mission
9. Exmo Conference

When it was time to go get Nick, I was dreading seeing him again. I was sure he'd be positively glowing from the afternoon of pleasure he'd just spent, and I didn't think I could face seeing that. But of course he was completely broken up after his tearful goodbye from his girlfriend. I felt like maybe he was actually worse off than I was since he was probably really in love with that girl, and now he'd be back in California and she'd still be here in Bordeaux, a million miles apart from each other.

That evening the whole group that was leaving had dinner with the Mission President and his family. I felt like I should be enjoying it, but I couldn't concentrate -- I was completely in a daze the whole time.

Something's at the gate and rushing through...

I had to force a smile, and I couldn't follow or pay attention to anything anyone was saying.

All the rusty chains of time can't hold it back...

I didn't understand why I felt that way. It was just some foolish infatuation, some idle lust, wasn't it?

Memories of our former life...

I should be so happy to be going home.

I recall the morning you arose...

So much had happened since I'd been gone. Matt's wife had had a baby -- I was now an uncle, and I would get to meet my new niece.

Shining like a star on an endless sea of sand...

I'd get to meet Laura's new husband, and I'd even get to attend Linda's wedding since she and her fiancé had graciously held off the wedding long enough to wait for me to come back.

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Shining like a star...

There were so many reasons to be celebrating.

On an endless sea of sand...

After dinner, we had an informal testimony meeting. Actually, all the guys seemed at least a little emotional about their testimonies, so I felt like maybe I wasn't so crazy to be feeling confused and conflicted about leaving.

When it was my turn to stand up, I spoke from the heart. "I'd like to bear my testimony of the truthfulness of the restored gospel, and of the important place it holds in our lives. I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me the strength to endure to the end and to work hard and serve Him faithfully these past two years." Then I paused and said, "I only hope that I have succeeded and that my small efforts have been pleasing in His sight."

After that, I couldn't say anything more, so I just said "In the name of Jesus Christ, amen," and sat down.

As I went to bed that night, I thought to myself that there was maybe one last chance. We'd be waiting for the airport shuttle on the steps of the opera house at the Place de la Comédie right downtown. She knew I was leaving that morning, and she might know that that was where we'd be waiting, or if she didn't know it, there was a small chance that she might happen to walk by. I said a little silent prayer that she would be there.

In the morning, I gathered my things and waited with the other guys on the steps of the opera house. I thought to myself, 'if she comes, I'll beg her to continue on to Salt Lake at the end of her trip, and I'll find a way to send her back to Atlanta later.'

Then I thought, 'If she comes, I'll ask her to change her ticket and leave with me now, and then we can both go to Atlanta later when it's time for her to start her internship.'

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